Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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