The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize