i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
