Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
