Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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