Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
