I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
