God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize