why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
