At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
