we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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