I must be too annoying 4 u.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
