bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
