Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
