I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize