I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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