It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
