I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
