she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
