I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
