So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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