And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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