is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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