The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
