It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
