If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
