Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize