He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
