I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
