My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
