"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Come see our sink grown plant.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
