his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
