im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
ugly people sure do ruin things
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
