Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize