My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
