I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
