I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
