Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
false alarm, still single
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