And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
