You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
