I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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