you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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