i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize