im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize