Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
