I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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