Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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