In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
