so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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