Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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