so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
