Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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