She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
