if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
