Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
