i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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