Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
