are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
