Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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