Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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