And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
