i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
This baby is an asshole
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
