two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
