you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
