what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
