My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
