FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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