nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
