I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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