these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
