this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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