I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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