Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you didnt know i had herpes?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
