after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
