3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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