we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
