Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
