Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
