check it out our google latitudes are spooning
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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