My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
