I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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