it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
