there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
