gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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