I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
