??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we made out on top of his cat.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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