you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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