Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
