I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
