Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
