Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
