how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize