Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
