A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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