my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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