I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
