Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When did angry sex become our thing?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
