My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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